Monday, February 1, 2010

How To...

I might be starting a new career in writing. No, not romance novels, comic books, or murder mystery thrillers. What I have are the skills and know how to start my own series of How To books. I think I've found my niche. Here's what I have so far for my first installment:

How to Give Yourself a 2nd Degree Burn:

1. Work a night shift that completely exhausts you.

2. Do not bring any snacks on your night shift.

3. Once you're home from a long night of work, take a well needed nap that lasts approximately 4-5 hours.

4. Now that you're awake and completely starving, seeing how you haven't eaten in roughly 18-20 hours, make Ramen noodles for lunch.

5. Your soup is ready. Immediately remove pan from stove and don't bother pouring it into a separate bowl.

6. Regardless of the fact that your Ramen has only been off the stove for roughly 20 seconds, bring yourself and pan to the couch where you will enjoy your delicious lunch. Remember, you should be starving by this step.

7. As you go to sit down, be unaware of how full your pan is with boiling soup.

8. Last step- fail to hold your pan level while lowering yourself to the couch.

Oila! You now have a 4 inch x 5 inch 2nd degree burn right on your thigh. Well done! Enjoy managing the pain and blistering.